A debate about older mothers

There's a great little debate going on over at Citizen of the Month about the woman in Barcelona who just gave birth to twins at 67. (by IVF obviously).

I, as well as others, fell pretty strongly that this was selfish on so many levels on the part of the mother. But Neil at Citizen of the Month wants to know why it is selfish when no one says anything if a 70 year old man fathers a child.

Double Standard? Yes.

But there are so many realities in place here:

• women are often the primary caregivers for young children (except in my house and a rare few others)
• At 67 it is unrealistic to think that this woman will be a part of her children's lives as long as say, if she were 37.

And having been through the whole IVF thing personally, I want to know what doctor in their right mind agreed to this? Apparently she had it done somewhere in Latin America but REALLY... this doctor needs to have his or her license revoked.

Is there no code of ethics? Did no one think this might not be such a good idea?

But was it her right to do.... grudgingly, I have to say yes.

Others are commenting that she had the right to do whatever she wants with her body and while there are few people who are more Pro-Choice than me... I have to disagree here. She did not do this on her own. They were someone else's eggs (because, let's be realistic here...she is 67!!) And there was a fairly large team of experts making it all happen.

Being pregant with and caring for newborn twins zaps the stuffing out of even the most motivated of mothers...and no one is more motivated that someone who's been through many years of infertility (like me) AND YET... I still can't wrap my brain around setting out on that journey at 67.

What was she thinking??

There are no good answers.

Masquerading as a Stay at Home Mom

I took off from work this week to use up my remaining vacation days and now that the hoopla of the holidays is more or less over, I'm masquerading as a stay at home mom.

With the kids off from school, I have to say it's more than a little challenging. It would be so easy to just let them stay home and play with all the toys they just got but somehow I feel like a horrible parent if I don't have something planned every day to at least give them cause to get out of their pajamas.

Yesterday, a friend of mine came over with her two kids and while she and I got to catch up, our kids entertained each other for a few hours. The day before that, I took the girls to one of those indoor playgrounds. And today we are off to the library and then to Grandma's house for a change of scenery.

Somewhere in all of this I have to manage to run an errand or two with sufficient bribery to keep my two five year olds in check. I can see where this gets old very fast!

But I'm actually kind of enjoying it, I have to admit. And my house is certainly cleaner than it's been in a long time. I think we are going on 4 or 5 solid days with no dishes in the sink and no crap on the counter. A fact I felt I needed to point out to my husband who was less than optimistic that the trend would continue into next week when I go back to work. Hmmm. I think I smell a challenge here.

Next week it will be back to the grind with some new changes at work that will hopefully make my job a little more manageable.

But I'm not even thinking about that now (REALLY). I'm off to the library.

Things I should be doing instead of writing in my blog

It's 12:15AM. The dishwasher is running, the washing machine is running and the dryer is running. I SHOULD be sweeping or dusting or cleaning a bathroom since we are having a dozen people over for christmas on Monday. I'm rationalizing it as...I'm waiting for the dryer to finish so I can get the good comforter out while it is still warm.

And no sense in really cleaning a bathroom when my two 5 year olds will just destroy it tomorrow. right? (Please say..."right")

Problem is that tomorrow is going to be shot. At 10:30 we have to be at my mother-in-law's church for some Christmasy thing they are putting on (not a pageant...I know what those are... said the Jewish daughter-in-law). Then we are going to another christmasy thing over at Digital Father's church to see his kids in a pageanty thing at 3.

Meanwhile, my mind will be on not the spirit of the season but whether I have all the ingredients for everything I am cooking on Christmas Day. (no offense to Digital Father and his kids who we love!)

Oh, and of course, on what questions the kids will ask related to Christmas. I'm kind of dreading that. I have enough trouble explaining the facets of my own faith to five year olds.

The other day, while waiting for the bus, one of my daughters asked me what it means when someone dies. I felt like deer the headlights because it just came out of nowhere. She is the queen of nonsequiters.

OH, and it was 8:15 in the freakin morning!

So I started with flowers and bugs since I know she's seen dead flowers and bugs...and paused while I hoped and prayed that this was all she needed to feel complete.

No such luck.

HER: "What about people? Why do they die?"

ME: "Well, sometimes people die when they are very very old...and sometimes when they've been very sick. (think think think....how can I explain this to her without scaring her or having her think that everyone is going to die tomorrow?) People's bodies are a little like machines with lots of working parts, and when some of those parts stop working and can't be fixed...then they die."

HER: "And then what happens to them?"

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.....WHERE is that BUS??? I was so unprepared for this conversation and it was on a rare morning that my husband didn't come with us to wait for the bus...so I had NO backup.

And did I mention that it was 8:15 in the freakin morning??

ME: "Well, lots of different people believe lots of different things about what happens after you die. And since no one's ever come back to tell me...I'm not really sure, honey. (yes, I realize this was the coward's way out but I was not prepared to debate Heaven with a 5 year old)

HER: "so they go away FOREVER?"

ME: "Yes, but it's ok. You won't have to worry about it for a very long time.... and look, there's your bus!"

HER: "OK, Mommy...BYE"

And yes, I sat in the car for a good three minutes after wondering if this little explanation was going to come back to haunt me later in life when my daughter needs therapy because I didn't provide her with something to believe in.

I can't wait to see what my girls come up with tomorrow!

The funniest post I've seen in a long time

I stumbled on this blog...as I do most blogs...posted on Babble.com which proclaims itself to be for urban parents (which I am not).

Nonetheless, I thought this post about and the audacity of perfect strangers and the questions they feel are not too rude to ask was so funny that I nearly did a spit-take.

Please read it here but be forwarned that some of the language may not be appropriate if your boss (or child) happens to be reading over your shoulder.

December in a dual faith household- Part 2.

The balancing act between Chanukah and Christmas is going pretty well so far. The kids are exicted about the whole candle lighting thing and the fact that they get a little gift each night. Best of all, we found what I am proclaiming the BEST CHANUKAH/CHRISTMAS KIDS BOOK OF ALL TIME.

Really.

I went on a little tirade the other day because I wanted to get my girls a new book for the holiday and of course there are about a bazillion Christmas books covering everything from our old friend Santa to Mary in the Manger...and one teeny little shelf of Chanukah books.

And all of them sucked. Either they were picture books with merely pictures of dreidels and menorahs...or they were detailed accounts of the battle of the macabees complete with all this talk of the destruction of the temple. A little too heavy for my five year olds, if you ask me.

Thankfully, someone read my mind and several days later while wandering through the local Barnes and Noble, we stumbled on a book called "Light the Lights! A story about Celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas" by Margaret Moorman If you know anyone who struggles with the challenges of celebrating both holidays, go out right now and buy this book for them. I can guarrantee they will think it is wonderful. There is nothing preachy about it. It simply tells the story of little Emma who's father is Jewish and mother is Christian and how they celebrate the holidays as a family.

It's exactly what I was looking for.