Yes, Adam Sandler, I did feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree.
My act of protest? I married a Christian. So there!
The first Christmas that my husband and I were together, imagine my excitement to finally have a tree. But I quickly learned just how clueless I was to all the pomp and circumstance that goes along with Christmas. Standing in a store with an arm full of 18 different types of ornaments, garlands and bows (oh, my) feeling like “Janey Jew” not having a freakin’ clue what I was doing. Not to mention that neon sign I was sure was blinking over my head that said “JEW”
Bet you Christians out there don’t realize just how clueless we are when it comes to:
- How to Choose a Christmas Tree
- How to hang lights
- How to hang ornaments for a balanced tree
- The difference between indoor lighting and outdoor lighting
- How to take down and store said lights
- How to dispose of a Christmas tree after Christmas is over
And so on
Because all we have to know is:
- One menorah
- Eight candles
- One each night
- Light them from right to left.
Hanukah over? Put menorah back in the box until next year.
Aren’t you jealous now? None of this putting up and taking down business. Out of the box…eight days later…back in the box.
My husband (God bless him) gets very into the season. Last week he rearranged the furniture in the living room in anticipation of where the tree will go. He’s hung the lights and a five foot wreath on the house. (A task which he does when I’m not around because he knows it makes me nuts to think he is up on a ladder or hanging off the roof to do it.) No Jewish husband ever fell off a ladder hanging lights.
For my part as half of our dual faith household, I've had to learn about real trees vs. fake ones, white lights vs. colored lights and tree skirts.
The problem now is that my five year olds are old enough to be aware of the holidays. And Hanukah just doesn’t have the same appeal. We have no cool icons associated any of our holidays. Who can compete with Santa Claus? Something tells me that the Macabees, despite their valiant cause and the whole mystery surrounding the oil…are no substitution for SANTA CLAUS.
We need a guy like that. Do you think I can get Hanukah Harry a good agent?
2 comments:
Hey... I was there when that furniture was moved. Let's give credit where credit is due...
Santa Claus is a marketing machine. You'll never catch him. Well, not with a name like Harry.
Hanukkah Ricky?
Hanukkah Brittney?
Hanukkah George?
Hanukkah McCauley?
Hanukkah Amir?
Hanukkah Fabio?
One way to compete: Remind your children how special they are. Not only do they get presents on Christmas, but they also receive presents for eight days, not just one. That should make them the envy of the neighborhood. Of course, after telling them this, you cannot reneg until they are at least 10. By that time they will be making wish lists and you will not be able to get away with coloring books and crayons.
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